Well, our young man will have surgery this Tuesday. It is a bit overwhelming to say the least. Each of us is hit in different ways depending on the moment and what we are thinking.
For Josh, as he is older now (7) he hears more and understands more. So when we are talking to Doctors and nurses even though we think he is not listening he is tuned into the conversation. He has had moments where he completely melts when trying to understand what is to come. He has undergone so many procedures that surgery in and of itself is no big deal to him. He even goes to the OR with the nurses laughing and making jokes. However this time around, he is more anxious than in the past. He has been a lot more clingy in constant need of reassurance. So there has been more kisses and hugs and "I love you's." He became really upset at the thought of not being able to eat breakfast the day of surgery. We have softened the reality by telling him he can stay up till midnight on Monday and eat and party the whole time. He is excited about staying late.
For my husband, it is very hard. Being that he just had knee surgery, he is not able to go on surgery day to be with our son. It would be too physically demanding, not to mention emotional. He has been to all Josh's procedures; so not going to this one which is a more serious procedure is very hard to process. I think he is experiencing a very real picture of wanting to do so much and not being able to control or do anything about any of it. On top of which he is dealing with his own personal healing process which is draining on him to say the least, another area in which he feels helpless and not in control. It has been daunting at the very least.
For our daughter (4) she does not really know what is going on. She know Josh will have surgery and will have casts on his legs, but beyond that she knows nothing else. Yet she feels things and knows something is happening and the tension or uneasiness has made her a little more prone to tantrums and acting out.
For me, it is a day to day letting go and moving forward. I try hard to make sure all care cared for and comfortable as can be. As long as I am busy or doing... I am fine. When I stop and start thinking is when everything becomes very overwhelming and the emotions pour.
In it all we all have found great relief in knowing that God IS in control. HE does take us through each day. Josh was listening to a Christian song and came to me to say it made him sad because it reminds him that he knows Jesus. So I told him to think of how he would feel going into surgery without Jesus. He said he would be REALLY scared, and is thankful that he does know Jesus. My husband and I are very grateful that both our kids know Jesus and know that HE is the source to go to for comfort and rest.
So it is hard right now in many ways, ways even I have not mentioned. But God is faithful in the midst of it all. Josh has a new memory verse which he really likes and has been reading it every night, something we can all find strength in: "Have I not commanded you be strong and courageous? For the Lord you God is with you wherever you may go." Joshua 1:9 A good promise for all times.